Heavy is the Head that Wears the Crown (Part Deux)

June 8th

“God has chosen to smile upon us today, children. Your King has seen fit to bestow upon you the blessed juice of the cow. Your bones will be fortified with calcium as you prepare for battle tonight and your gut will be strong with nutrients so you will not shy from your fellows. So go forth, men. Go forth and know, no man shall bleed tonight for you are invincible. Protected by the sustenance your King provided. Go forth men and be strong for victory shall be yours.

Last night I was pulled aside and asked if I could be a Linebacker. “Can I? You bet your ass I can! I’ve been waiting for this for a long time.” I walked back to my bunk with a newfound confidence. The Longest Yard was in fact a documentary. In the morning I would be on the gridiron at last, where I belonged.

“You’re killing it, Greene. They’ve finally seen your potential you beautiful son-of-a-bitch.” I said to myself as I rested in anticipation of the day ahead.

In the morning I rose with a smile on my face. I downed a cup of coffee, ate a tuna packet (for protein), and started stretching.

Imagine my surprise when I found out I was working in the kitchen as a line-backer. Backing the line servers. I was crushed. My head hung low as I shuffled my feet in a line with the rest of the workers. A mixture of emotion hung on my face; so happy I was so close to greatness, so sad I’m a line-cook in county jail.

And just as my spirit was about to break for good I was told I would be handing out milk for the entire jail. Guards and prisoners alike. I was responsible for their daily intake of milk. I, Benjamin F. Greene would have the honor of providing these young boys, ney, men with the sustenance they needed to grow and become productive members of society. Heavy is the head that wears the crown.

Ok, you can probably tell by now that these letter are just as much for me as they are you.

And I shit you not, throughout my 10 hour day I must have spoken like that at least two hours whilst holding two little milk cartons in each hand and raising them above my shoulders letting them fall like precious jewels.

Sometimes a situation is only as bleak as you make it.