Heavy is the Head that Wears the Crown (Part 1)

June 7th

It’s a lot harder to write this when I’m in here. There’s this little shit named Chaves standing by my rack trying to get me to try his “hair grease.” I fuck with him because I like him; he’s a good kid. Actually, there’s a few people I like. I’ll be honest, I thought I was better than jail. Too good for it. I even would joke around about making friends in jail because I thought the idea was absurd. Lo and behold I like a lot of these people. I had a long conversation with a UCLA neuroscience major about differing ideas on recovery earlier today. These are people!!

Let me say this: there are strict rules and punitive violence among the inmates. It’s not an easy place to be, and there are plenty of drugs and homemade wines to help pass the time but there can be hope. There are human beings with compassion and familiar, despite some circumstances, completely reform-able and redeemable. It truly makes me ashamed of the times I chose to continue fucking up my life despite all of the support and resources in the world.

Basically, everything you see on TV is exaggerated BS. I guess it’s a lot easier to condemn outcasts than to help them and take them back into society. People have to own their lives and take responsibility AND they’ve failed. And for the most part nobody cares. I’m just spit balling but maybe a criminal’s right to vote should not be taken away. Lol, I also think that some people’s votes are criminal in their own right.

I hate to do this but It reminds me of a quote by a Rabbi I like: “In a free society, some are guilty, all are responsible.”

OK, back to what’s really going on.

I keep pontificating for some reason. This whole thing is new territory for me. Very difficult to write.

Anyway, despite all the nasty parts of jail I laugh a lot here. A lot. In fact, I even got in trouble today for laughing while working.

Oh yea, I work. Which helps a lot. 50 hours a week and at the end of the day I actually am grateful to head back to my rack.

It’s funny, people tell me this is a particularly bad place as far as jail goes but I don’t see it. Maybe it’s because I watched all those prison shows, or maybe it’s because of my spirit, or maybe I’m handling it well or maybe my opinion will change drastically in a week. I guess we’ll see it out together.